自傷無色 (Jishou Mushoku)

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Warning: This song contains questionable elements (suicidal ideation, suicide in MV); it may be inappropriate for younger audiences.

All external links may also contain questionable elements.

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Song title
"自傷無色" Romaji: Jishou Mushoku English: Self-Inflicted Colorlessness^[1]
Original Upload Date
January 20, 2013
Singer
Hatsune Miku
Producer(s)
nekobolo (music, lyrics, video)
Views
3,200,000+
Links
Niconico Broadcast / YouTube Broadcast (reprint, subbed)
Description "Necessary evil, how one appears, what people really wanted to be."

Alternate Versions

25-ji, Nightcord de. × Hatsune Miku ver.

Upload date: June 15, 2021

Featuring: Yoisaki Kanade, Asahina Mafuyu, and Hatsune Miku

Producer(s): Suouh (illustration), omu (video)

YT

Lyrics

Japanese	Romaji	English
君のようなひとになりたいな	kimi no you na hito ni naritai na	I want to be someone like you.
「僕らしいひと」になりたいな	"boku rashii hito" ni naritai na	I want to be someone that feels very "me."
望むならそうすりゃいいけどさ	nozomu nara sou surya ii kedo sa	If I want to, I can just go and do it.
でもそれってほんとにぼくなのかい	demo sore tte honto ni boku nano kai	But then would that really be me?

子供騙しな夢一つ	kodomo damashina yume hitotsu	One child's-play dream.
こんな僕なら死ねばいいのに	konna boku nara shineba ii noni	The way I am, someone like me is better off dead

こんな僕が生きてるだけで	konna boku ga ikiteru dake de	Where someone like me being alive
何万人のひとが悲しんで	nanmannin no hito ga kanashinde	brings sadness to tens of thousands of people
誰も僕を望まない	dare mo boku o nozomanai	And no one wants me:
そんな世界だったらいいのにな	sonna sekai dattara ii noni na	I wish that's the kind of world it was.

こんな僕が消えちゃうだけで	konna boku ga kiechau dake de	If by just wiping me away
何億人のひとが喜んで	nan'okunin no hito ga yorokonde	Hundreds of millions of people rejoiced
誰も何も憎まないなら	dare mo nani mo nikumanai nara	And no one held hatred for anything
そんなうれしいことはないな	sonna ureshii koto wa nai na	Then I couldn't be happier.

明日も僕は夢うつつ	ashita mo boku wa yume utsutsu	Tomorrow, I'll still tread between reality and dreams.
このまま僕は消えていいのに	kono mama boku wa kiete ii noni	Just like that, I'd love to disappear.

こんな僕が生きたところで	konna boku ga ikita tokorode	Where someone like me being alive
何億人のひとは知らないし	nan'okunin no hito wa shiranai shi	Doesn't even register for hundreds of millions of people
誰も僕を望まない	dare mo boku o nozomanai	And no one wants me:
そんな世界だったらいいのかな	sonna sekai dattara ii no kana	If that were the world, would that be okay?

こんな僕が消えたところで	konna boku ga kieta tokorode	Even if I were wiped away
何億人のひとは変わらない	nan'okunin no hito wa kawaranai	That wouldn't change some hundred million people.
誰も僕を憎まないなら	dare mo boku o nikumanai nara	If no one will resent me, then
損した事に変わりないな	sonshita koto ni kawari nai na	The result's the same, a loss for me.

最期なんか皆同じように倒れてゆきます	saigo nanka minna onaji you ni taorete yukimasu	In the end, everyone collapses in the same manner.
メイドイン他人の「自分自身」崩れてゆきます	meido in tannin no "jibun jishin" kuzurete yukimasu	"My Self" made in others will crumble away.
最期なんかみんな同じように離れてくのに	saigo nanka minna onaji you ni hanareteku no ni	In the end, everyone separates the same way—but—

こんな僕が生きてるだけで	konna boku ga ikiteru dake de	Just because I'm alive
なんで君はそんなに笑うの	nande kimi wa sonna ni warau no	Why do you smile so much?
君がそんな笑顔じゃ	kimi ga sonna egao ja	If you smile like that
悲しくても消えたくても	kanashikute mo kietakute mo	No matter how sad, how much I want to disappear—
さよならする理由なんてもう	sayonara suru riyuu nante mou	If only all my reasons to say good-bye
無ければいいのに	nakereba ii noni	Went away.

こんな僕が消えたところで	konna boku ga kieta tokorode	Even if I were wiped away
何億人のひとは変わらない	nan'okunin no hito wa kawaranai	That wouldn't change some hundred million people.
だけど僕を止める何かが	dakedo boku o tomeru nanika ga	But there's something preventing me
そんな顔しちゃ笑えないや	sonna kao shicha waraenai ya	And showing me that face, I can't bear to laugh about it

English translation by zcatcracker

Translation Notes

↑ 自傷 means "self-harm" or "self-injury" while 無色 as a noun is "colorlessness," so the idea of the title is that the singer's "colorlessness" is harming them, with the implication that this "colorlessness" is something the singer brings upon themself; the singer is perhaps intentionally harming themselves with "colorlessness." It's also worth noting that 無色 is a homophone for 無職, so the title may also imply "Self-Inflicted Joblessness."