User blog comment:Vaffisuco/飴と鎖 Candy and Chains by Otetsu-P Tentative Translation/@comment-26239285-20180604004007

Here are my thoughts on the song and your translation:

仲良しだからねと手を繋いでいる Since we're close friends, we hold hands


 * Finer points, but you're not capturing the fact that と means the speaker is saying that they're 仲良し as the reason for holding hands. Also, if they're holding hands, we wouldn't call their relationship friends. "'We're close enough, right?' So we hold hands."

繋がりを求めた鎖に繋がれた I, who yearned for a relationship, is now tied down by chains
 * You don't say "I is tied down". It's "I am tied down". Also, 求めた is not as strong as yearned. I often translate it "sought" but I think in this case "wanted" fits better.

誰かが笑った浴びせる歓声 Somebody laughed, a heap of cheers that said:
 * Isn't the 笑った clause modifying 歓声? I think just deleting your "," will fix it.

溢れかえる言葉　心地良い殻の中
 * Not sure the best way to put it either. Maybe, "Inside of this comfortable shell, it's full of these words."

生かされる罪悪感　不器用なこの頭 In my clumsy mind, my guilt is thriving
 * I think that's the idea, though 生かされる means she's letting the guilt thrive.

甘い飴玉　もう飽きてしまって / 少しだけ苦いあなたを頂戴 Give me a 'you' that's a bit less sweet/a touch more bitter
 * How about "Give me some of you that's a touch more bitter"?

色は斑　交わりは偽善 The colors are uneven, a hypocrytical relationship
 * I thought まだら just means mixed up, but I looked it up, it can also mean mottled and uneven. I think it means that their relationship has varied aspects, some light, some dark. Also, if you want to translate it literally, it's two independent clauses where the adjectives form the predicates: "our colours are mixed, our relationship is hypocritical".

胸を締める鎖が愛しくて The chains squeezing around my heart are pitiful
 * Maybe 愛しい means "dear": "The chains that tie my heart are dear to me", i.e., she doesn't want to lose the relationship. But pitiful is also a valid interpretation.

生まれた感情はこんなにも歪でした The emotions born inside of me were this distorted
 * "... were distorted so much"? も is an intensifier.

曖昧だった絆を笑ってる I sneer at our undefined relationship
 * I don't think they're relationship is undefined, since there's an entire song describing it! How about "ambiguous"? Like まだら, I think 曖昧 tells us that there are good and bad aspects to it. "Sneer" suggests that she thinks poorly of it, i.e., doesn't care if she loses it. It's also possible that she means she "laughs at it", i.e., she can handle it even if it's not ideal. I'm not sure which--I guess it's up to your own interpretation.

Hope this helps.