User blog comment:Suujimatsu/Nayutan Seijin - Kinsei no Dance/@comment-26239285-20190423033453

Some feedback ...


 * Tonight, too, making an emergency landing; with a hop, step, in the futon,

Shouldn't it be "on" the futon? I would phrase 今夜も like this:


 * Making another emergency landing tonight; a hop, a step on the futon


 * on a neighboring planet, there, it's a golden time.

The neighbouring planet is named as Venus, so it can't be "a". (BTW "beside a star" in eq01's translation seems incorrect to me.)


 * on the planet nextdoor, it's a golden time


 * That, quite easily, I've done it so many times. **

I think we usually say
 * I've done that (or it) quite easily so many times.

What are the asterisks for?


 * [...] too; / For you [...]

The two lines are a single clause in Japanese so you shouldn't use a semicolon. Also, I don't think も means "too". I think it's saying "an emotion of such a degree" [that's not common for me but is common for you]. How about
 * Feelings like this that pound within my heart / seem to be an everyday occurrence for you.

絡まった心: 絡まる means two or more things are tangled with each other, so I'd find it strange to mean one person's heart alone. I would take it to mean either two or more hearts/minds, or one heart got tangled with something else. The only thing I can think of is to read 大失敗 as part of the sentence, "my heart, which got entangled with a big mistake, has misunderstood", or "Getting mixed up in a big mistake, my heart has misunderstood", or I like eq10's more casual wording ".Getting mixed up in a big mistake, I've gotten the wrong idea". Do you think that interpretation makes sense?

ぼくだけが: I think you got it right. eq01's translation is incorrect and misleading.

The rest of it seems OK. Great work!