User blog comment:Suujimatsu/Nayutan Seijin - Kinsei no Dance/@comment-26239285-20190423033453/@comment-35671914-20190423081839

The asterisks were just me noting some parts I especially struggled at. Even aside the ones I marked there were a few though, weren't there... But, see, I'd considered leaving notes about some of my thought processes, and I didn't like my explanations in the end so I kinda got rid of that part, while still leaving the marks. Sorry about the confusion.

Anyway, I hear your corrections. A few things were a little surprising (a learning experience!) and some of it was expected. I had a number of thoughts here, but it was already late anyway when I started this reply, so maybe that was a mistake...

One thing that might be noticable is, I do try to keep a balance with the structure of the original lines on occasion, if I think it's possible in English. It shows when I over-do it though... and I over-use semicolons too, oops. There's a lot for me to consider again...

Also, on this line,

大失敗　絡まった心が勘違った

I'll admit I was fully aware it turned out badly; it wouldn't be good to say I probably gave up on it a little, but there's not much of an excuse I can give. So, that's where a second opinion was needed. Still, I think I hadn't really thought of the word 大失敗 as specifically the object of what they're mixed up in... You probably know better than I do, though.

...but, again, it's late, so that's all I'll say for now. Actual changes can be done later, maybe... thank you so much for your input. It's really a relief to hear you're good with most of what I'd had, at least; the way I am, I didn't really have much confidence going into this. (I still can't say I do...)