User blog comment:Aniforce/Japanese lyrics by foreigners/@comment-11501835-20190206232553/@comment-37135433-20190211153614

First of all I would like to thank you for such deep analysis of my lyrics, and for the time you spent on it! I had never get feedback from Japanese native speakers before, so I really appreciate every word you wrote here!

It is hard to write lyrics in another language. I love Japanese very much and try to improve my knowledge, but I've never been in Japan and also have no speaking practice. Just some basic grammar and vocabulary, so my lyrics composing is like "joy through pain". It always takes a lot of hours and days to make lyrics in my native language and then to translate it into Japanese, using vocabularies and study books to make the translation as correct as possible. But I understand that some metaphoric phrases can make sense in one language and sound weird in another. I try to avoid such things but as it seems not always successfully.

There are some issues that make composing lyrics for the songs extremely hard to me. I always create music first, then make vocal part with random words like "aaa ...nananana..." And in the end trying to create lyrics according to vocal line, so I should take into consideration rhythmical aspects, then make sure that vowels are "singable" in specific points, and also try to make rhymes if it possible.

And now few words about the idea of the whole song.

The planet is suffering by global wars, almost everything is destroyed. The girl and boy are trying to survive but they know that the end is near and they will die soon.

黒煙に包まれていて, 黒雲で覆われた空の下で

"(we are) wrapped in black smoke, (and walking) under the sky that is covered with black clouds"

The illustration really does not match the song very good, but I couldn't found the better one:)

神様に与えられたNothing about religion, just common metaphoric phrase, that doesn't mean any specific god..

命を僕らは救おうとしてる

In second verse they try to analyze the situation:

帰還不能限界点をもう

越えてしまって戻る道はもうない

光に向かって行っていた

心の中に闇しかないのに

The people of the Earth were think they doing good, and the progress and technologies would bring peace and light future, but all their actions caused calamity and wars. So people "passed" point of no return and catastrophe caused by their actions cannot be avoid.

Then there are some thoughts, that our planet is so small, and it's end will mean nothing within the confines of the big universe. So I found word  はぐれる in vocabulary and thought that it will suit good, but finally it is not:)

The girl and her friend see the light, slicing the sky and they understand that this is the end, because that light is nuclear rocket. And she wants to be with her friend these last seconds, and she was glad that they were together until the end.

"あたしは君がいて嬉しい Be more endearing, use いてくれて" - if I use it, it would get too long and does not fit to stroke..

Anyway thank you for all advices. I will try to pay more attention while creating lyrics for my songs in the future. Unfortunately I have no Japanese friends to ask someone to review lyrics before releasing new song, so it will be really hard. Maybe if someone would want to collaborate and make good and correct lyrics for my songs, I could spend more time on composing music:)